haircuts

if i was the guessing type, i would say Mr. REA gets a haircut, oh idk, about once a month.

i'd also say the man hasn't changed his hair style, oh idk, ever.

so on average, once a month i am expected to compliment him on his new haircut.
which looks exactly like his old haircut.

i made the mistake of not-noticing a new hair cut recently.

it wasn't until i ran my fingers through his hair, days later, when i asked him,

did you get a hair cut this afternoon?

he replied,

no. i got it cut 4 days ago. 


meeee-yow!


so then he pouted.

and it wasn't the first time i'd fallen for that trick, unfortunately.

if he wasn't so dang cute when he's pouting, this might become a problem.

The TTT

i hope you had an enjoyable holiday weekend.

i forced Mr. REA to engage in an event that will forever be remembered as the Traumatic Turkey Trot.

or, the TTT, for short.

if there's one thing i love, it's a good abbreviation. and alliterations.

i've wanted to do a Turkey Trot since i first heard such a thing existed.
i registered us months ago, when the announcement was first made.

this Turkey Trot was a 5k, or 3.1 miles. otherwise known as a light jog.
starting at 8am.
on a non-work-day holiday.

Mr. REA was less than thrilled.
the man loves his sleep.
and isn't a huge fan of cardio workouts either.

in the days leading up to the Trot, Mr. REA used every trick in the book to try to escape:

- faking an illness
- claiming old age
- joint pain

he even offered to pay me double the registration fee.

i believe the old saying goes,

you can't bullshit a bullshitter

i claimed this was the last thing i would make him do this year.
good thing there are less than 4 weeks left in this year.

i already have our next run planned.

as Mr. REA continuously reminded me, we ended up traveling a total of 6.2 miles, running/walking that morning. We parked at the start line, ran, then had to walk back to the car.

apparently this 6.2 mile workout entitled Mr. REA to an immediate 2hour nap, and complaining rights for the next 72 hours.

did i mention we now have matching, bright orange T shirts with a huge turkey wearing sneakers on it?

i couldn't be happier.

healthy competition

i'll start with this-

i love playing games.

board games.
card games.
trivia games.
sport games.
word games.
memory games.
theatre games.
drinking games.

you name it. they're all my favorite, in no particular order.

to this day, here is the short list of games i have beaten Mr. REA in:

Rummikub - "The Fast Moving Tile Game" it's an old family favorite. typically a newbie can't really win without having played for a while. there are a lot of rules to it. it was only natural for me to win. i've been playing my entire life.

ski-ball - only maybe my most favorite game of all time. or at least that's what i'm thinking once every 6 years when i find myself playing it at a bar or something. note to self: play this game more often.

Scattergories - out of the millions of times we've played this, i have won once. one single time. and he became so depressed that we had to play again so he could beat me. ugh. he's so dang cute when he's pouting.

and to this day, here are the games Mr. REA has beaten me in:

Miniature golf - i'll rule this loss by pleading unfair athletic advantage. my math skills are also so poor that he probably carried the Ones too many times and tricked me.

Ski ball - after i beat him 3 times in a row, we were out of dollar bills. he scrounged the bar to get more change, then played until he had the All-Time high score and won a free round. very mature, Mr. REA. very mature.

Scattergories - every. single. time. except the time i just mentioned, when he pouted.

Trivia - the only ones i got right were the answers i memorized from the last time i played. is that considered cheating? is it still considered cheating if it doesn't help you win?

Speed - the card game, not the drug. in my defense, the cards were brand new and very slick.

Air Hockey- we even played a round of Lefty, and he still beat me by the same margin as Righty. note: we are both right-handed.

Ping Pong - i've run out of excuses.

it doesn't matter who wins, it's just fun to play.
...right?

sushi

i should probably tell you that i love sushi.
unless you already knew that, which would make this a reminder.

i heart sushi.
i really do.

and now i've finally found myself a man, who doesn't.

gasp.

which has turned my love for sushi, into a love affair.

i strategically plan when i will eat sushi, mostly when he's busy or out of town.

very similar to a forbidden love.

i find myself leaving out details, sneaking around the topic.

Me: going to dinner with G, be back later!

REA: have fun! where are you girls going?

Mouth:
-silent pause- oh idk, not sure yet...

Mind:
SU-SHI! SU-SHI! SU-SHI!

i guess i'm more full of secrets than i thought.

past due

Mr. REA will not use anything that is passed it's printed expiration.

no exceptions.

this specifically applies to food and medicines.

he asked me for Neosporin a while back.
i dug in the cabinet and handed him the tube...that i bought 8 years ago.

it turns out, Neosporin typically expires 1 year after it's purchased.

...who knew?

this caused him to gently suggest that i clean out my medicine cabinet.

he's cute.
so i did.

as a general note, i'll typically do anything a cute boy suggests.

and it just so happens, all.of.the.items.were.expired.

anti-itch creams
anti-allergy pills
pain relievers
pain killers
cough syrups
cough drops
antiseptic wipes
the list goes on.

and not by a few months either.
i'm talking years.

on average, 5-8 years passed their expirations.
...and i was still using them.

Mr. REA was mortified.

i was made to throw all of it away.
it pained me.

the cabinet is now empty, and flu season is among us.

look who's laughing meow. 

Game of Boring.

over the course of our courtship, Mr. REA has taken the liberty of introducing me to TV shows that i otherwise would have never watched.

these shows include:

Curb your Enthusiasm

The Sopranos

Mad Men

and most recently:

Game of Thrones

i know that it's, whatever, a critically acclaimed show, but if someone asked me to describe what it was about, i would say this:

Game of Thrones is full of incest, nudity, murder, rape and other disgusting things. it is Lord of the Rings, set in Medieval Europe. the only difference being, that instead of having some toady-looking bald man searching for a ring, the 7 kingdoms are trying to take back a throne. 

yawn.

Mr. REA can't figure out why i fall asleep every time we're watching it. 

a. it's boring.

b. i don't even like watching TV

c. it's boring.

soooooo it's a good thing he's cute. 

doppelgänger

a few weeks ago Mr. REA and i were out on the town for a friend's birthday.

because the man refuses to take public transportation, no matter how much more convenient it is, we circled the area for an hour looking for parking.

on our walk to the bar, the streets were roaring with drunks. people who probably spent their entire Saturday watching sports and boozing.

aka my favorite kinds of people.

now this is where things get exciting.

we passed by two women, sitting on the porch outside of a store front.

correction: women is not the correct term, they were young female drunks.

one was standing saying:

no no, its totally fine. no one will even notice. like whatever, its totally fine. you're my friend. 

and the other, was squatting and peeing all over the sidewalk.

Mr. REA's response:

disgusting. she's a grown-ass women, can't even handle her alcohol. 

and in truth, um yes it was totally disgusting.
but in her defense, sometimes you just don't know what's happening to your body. like puberty, only not.

Mr. REA:
is that what you're like when i'm out of town?

Mouth:
what? ew no. totally gross. ugh disgusting. ew.

Mind:
of course not, that's what i act like when i'm out of town.

he can never know my secrets.

survivor

well. i made it out alive, in case you were wondering how last weekend went.

before Mr. REA arrived in Hometown, I coached BFF in what not to say.


The List included:

- any time i've thrown up from drinking

- any time i've talked in tongues, as a result of drinking

- any time i've fallen asleep at a bar, or in a car, as a result of drinking

- any time i've wet the bed

- any time i've wet the floor

- any of the events from Other Brother's wedding

- any of the times i've talked about toilets

- any of the times i've lost personal items, as a result of drinking

- any weird obsessions i may or may not have

- any thing i've ever considered a secret, no matter how old it is.


BFFs response:

then what the heck am I supposed to say to him? 
who does he think you are?

so thanks for going with the flow, BFF.
and by flow, i of course mean lie.
i knew i could count on you.

and that night, before going to sleep, Mr. REA rolled over and said,

tomorrow, don't introduce me as your friend. tell them I'm your boyfriend.


and there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.