alone time

this morning i had several hours, and the apartment all to myself

i'd like to say i threw a massive party & invited all my friends over for girl time,

but i didn't.

it was 9am.

they were hung over.

& so was i. 

it was only a stage 1 hangover though. 

not the kind where you're pretty sure you think you might die before the day is over. 

i was thirsty & had a headache. 

barely a hangover at all i guess.

Stage 1. 

i spent my time cleaning.

i know, i knowwww.

i cleaned the bathroom. 

sick.

i did laundry.

i washed the dishes.

cleared off the table.

swept.

changed the sheets.

you know...domesticated stuff.

i love a clean apartment.

i also love being able to fart as loud as i want. 

& as often as i want.

is it not completely liberating when you don't have to squeeze your buttcheeks together as tight as possible to avoid farting around your boyfriend?

it is.

& this is how i spend my me time.

farting and cleaning.

it's been a productive Saturday morning.

the happiest hour

my work had a company happy hour at some restraunt some place.

and it was open bar.

so you know how this story ends.

by the time 4:30 rolled around i had consumed 5 too many beers in one hour.

it was the happiest hour.

remember those beloved fitness classes i joined?
the expensive ones?

well i was too drunk to go to the gym.

so i went to a different bar.

then ate pizza.

i felt sick but didn't barf on anything.

#areyoudisappointed?

the end.