celebrating your 26th birthday at your favorite bar with all your friends is so so so fun...
...until you get home & you do that really cute thing where you go to the bathroom and clog the toilet and barf all over the rug at the same time.
and then you realize its pizza barf.
and the rug is white.
and new.
#ruined
then you panic because your boyfriend is home.
then you panic because the plunger isn't working.
then you remember that you're trashed.
& then you remember that you don't have time for this shit.
literally.
so you leave the bathroom as-is.
aka a stage 5 biohazard.
and you go to bed.
and your drunk-self says to you,
it'll all get sorted out in the morning.
you wake up.
your bathroom is covered in pizza-vomit.
it is clear that nothing was sorted out while you were asleep.
you are able to plunge the toilet enough times that all the yucky brown water dissipates.
this is your favorite trick.
you throw the rug in the wash.
after one cycle it is stained orange.
four cycles later - the stains are out.
the boyfriend wakes up.
he is none the wiser.
#relationshipsaved
