january resolution revisited

so remember when i resolved not to drink alcohol in january? well thankfully that month has passed and i am still alive and 30 days sober. but let me tell you friend, it was no walk in the park. for 30 days i did not attend happy hours. i had no hours of happy that involved booze. this was weird at first. and weird at second.

the weirdest part was that no one accepts the part where you say, 'no thanks' to a drink. or when you say, 'i'll just have a diet coke, no vodka'. people cannot accept that i am 26 years old at a bar and i do not want to have a drink. that was bizarre to me. so then i had to explain myself, had to say it was a personal challenge, etc. etc. but how annoying was that? very. it was extremely annoying. i'm not drinking because meh 'i don't want to leave me alone'.

things i learned:
1. it is possible to have fun while sober.
2. it is even fun to have fun while sober.
3. you remember where you put your phone while sober.
4. you don't cry at the bar while sober.
5. you don't barf at the bar while sober.
6. you don't get lost from the group while sober.
7. you don't barf on your new white bathroom rug while sober.
8. you feel great every sunday morning while sober.
9. you realize who your real 'drunk friends' are while sober.
10. you don't fall asleep in cabs while sober.

january, you weren't such a bad month after all.

mandatory pedicures

i recently went, oh idk, 8 months without getting a pedicure. this means i also barely trimmed my nails because, who does that? well when i slithered into bed next to Mr REA the other night, one of my razor-sharp talons cut his leg and left a scratch. my toe nail cut my boyfriend's leg and left a scratch. this was an absolutely disgusting reality. i apologized, put on socks and made a note to make an appointment with my lady.

#whyimsingle

nearlyA

i call it a win whenever i can go to the store wearing a sports bra and hat without mistakenly being called 'sir'.

#smallchestprobs
#whyimsingle

#throwback

my cousin just reminded me of the time i flew to texas for a wedding. and after the reception, and after the after-party and after the after-after-party we stumbled back to the hotel room. and he reminded me that i couldn't remember which room was mine and that a woman came out of her room and threatened to call the cops on me if i didn't quiet down. i have no recollection of this harassment, but when i get drunk i actually start to become deaf though so i totally believe him. i didn't wake up in jail so that's how i know i wasn't arrested. i'm also cute, so that probably helped.

and now that we're on the topic, i don't think i've ever walked away from a wedding weekend without:
a) barfing
b) crying
c) dancing
d) my self-respect

#whyimsingle

destination weddings are awesome.

i'm going to a wedding in mexico this weekend.
i hope its open-bar & barf-tastic all at the same time.

#whyimsingle

priorities

last night i walked almost a mile roundtrip to the nearest drug store to get dry shampoo because i didn't plan on showering today. or tomorrow.

i stood in line with the dry shampoo, 5 baggies of sour patch kids and contemplated getting a miniature bamboo plant for 2.99 but then remembered all of  my houseplants have not lasted more than a month. buying this little guy would be suicide.

i walked all the way home then remembered there was no food in the house so i ate cereal for dinner.

#whyimsingle

baking

i baked recently, an old family recipe.
it was supposed to be a beautiful cinnamon-sugar coffee cake roll.

in reality, it was an exploded baby diaper filled with indian food.

did i eat it anyway?
of course.
directly from the pan, using only my bare hands and a dish towel.

#whyimsingle

my new favorite #hashtag

is it gross to eat chocolate chips while pooping?

#whyimsingle

the one-month res

to be totally honest, i love making NYE resolutions and i'm not even kidding.

i know this blog makes me seem like some sort of fiber-deprived, raging alcoholic (which let's face it, i am), but i also love setting goals and reaching them. gives me a weird high.

sort of like that 5th shot of the night.
makes you feel alive. ya know?

ok maybe you know that feeling, maybe you don't.
tomato, tomato.

k that didn't work.

whatever. moving on.

i'm totally a goal-setter-go-getter. i love a good challenge (like remember this little number?)

this month, and for this month only, i am challenging myself to no drinking.

alcohol.
no drinking alcohol. 

booze. the juice. happy milk.
whatever you want to call it.

i'm abstaining, for an entire month.
and then in february, i'll make a resolution to drink every day.

jk. jk people! that's college-talk.

so cheers to you, 2014, & your ridiculous new challenges.