sushi

i should probably tell you that i love sushi.
unless you already knew that, which would make this a reminder.

i heart sushi.
i really do.

and now i've finally found myself a man, who doesn't.

gasp.

which has turned my love for sushi, into a love affair.

i strategically plan when i will eat sushi, mostly when he's busy or out of town.

very similar to a forbidden love.

i find myself leaving out details, sneaking around the topic.

Me: going to dinner with G, be back later!

REA: have fun! where are you girls going?

Mouth:
-silent pause- oh idk, not sure yet...

Mind:
SU-SHI! SU-SHI! SU-SHI!

i guess i'm more full of secrets than i thought.

past due

Mr. REA will not use anything that is passed it's printed expiration.

no exceptions.

this specifically applies to food and medicines.

he asked me for Neosporin a while back.
i dug in the cabinet and handed him the tube...that i bought 8 years ago.

it turns out, Neosporin typically expires 1 year after it's purchased.

...who knew?

this caused him to gently suggest that i clean out my medicine cabinet.

he's cute.
so i did.

as a general note, i'll typically do anything a cute boy suggests.

and it just so happens, all.of.the.items.were.expired.

anti-itch creams
anti-allergy pills
pain relievers
pain killers
cough syrups
cough drops
antiseptic wipes
the list goes on.

and not by a few months either.
i'm talking years.

on average, 5-8 years passed their expirations.
...and i was still using them.

Mr. REA was mortified.

i was made to throw all of it away.
it pained me.

the cabinet is now empty, and flu season is among us.

look who's laughing meow. 

Game of Boring.

over the course of our courtship, Mr. REA has taken the liberty of introducing me to TV shows that i otherwise would have never watched.

these shows include:

Curb your Enthusiasm

The Sopranos

Mad Men

and most recently:

Game of Thrones

i know that it's, whatever, a critically acclaimed show, but if someone asked me to describe what it was about, i would say this:

Game of Thrones is full of incest, nudity, murder, rape and other disgusting things. it is Lord of the Rings, set in Medieval Europe. the only difference being, that instead of having some toady-looking bald man searching for a ring, the 7 kingdoms are trying to take back a throne. 

yawn.

Mr. REA can't figure out why i fall asleep every time we're watching it. 

a. it's boring.

b. i don't even like watching TV

c. it's boring.

soooooo it's a good thing he's cute. 

doppelgänger

a few weeks ago Mr. REA and i were out on the town for a friend's birthday.

because the man refuses to take public transportation, no matter how much more convenient it is, we circled the area for an hour looking for parking.

on our walk to the bar, the streets were roaring with drunks. people who probably spent their entire Saturday watching sports and boozing.

aka my favorite kinds of people.

now this is where things get exciting.

we passed by two women, sitting on the porch outside of a store front.

correction: women is not the correct term, they were young female drunks.

one was standing saying:

no no, its totally fine. no one will even notice. like whatever, its totally fine. you're my friend. 

and the other, was squatting and peeing all over the sidewalk.

Mr. REA's response:

disgusting. she's a grown-ass women, can't even handle her alcohol. 

and in truth, um yes it was totally disgusting.
but in her defense, sometimes you just don't know what's happening to your body. like puberty, only not.

Mr. REA:
is that what you're like when i'm out of town?

Mouth:
what? ew no. totally gross. ugh disgusting. ew.

Mind:
of course not, that's what i act like when i'm out of town.

he can never know my secrets.

survivor

well. i made it out alive, in case you were wondering how last weekend went.

before Mr. REA arrived in Hometown, I coached BFF in what not to say.


The List included:

- any time i've thrown up from drinking

- any time i've talked in tongues, as a result of drinking

- any time i've fallen asleep at a bar, or in a car, as a result of drinking

- any time i've wet the bed

- any time i've wet the floor

- any of the events from Other Brother's wedding

- any of the times i've talked about toilets

- any of the times i've lost personal items, as a result of drinking

- any weird obsessions i may or may not have

- any thing i've ever considered a secret, no matter how old it is.


BFFs response:

then what the heck am I supposed to say to him? 
who does he think you are?

so thanks for going with the flow, BFF.
and by flow, i of course mean lie.
i knew i could count on you.

and that night, before going to sleep, Mr. REA rolled over and said,

tomorrow, don't introduce me as your friend. tell them I'm your boyfriend.


and there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

post #70

tonight I will be boarding a flight back to Hometown for Sister's wedding.

tomorrow night, Mr. REA will be boarding a flight to Hometown for Sister's wedding.

tomorrow night, Mr. REA will meet my family.

tomorrow night, I will over-drink.

tomorrow night, I will be staying in a hotel with Mr. REA.

tomorrow night, history may repeat itself.


let the games begin.

game day

I went to my Alma Mater's football game and spent the majority of each quarter wondering one of the two following thoughts:

a. where are the cute boys at?

b. what food am i going to eat next?

i love sports. 

toilet trouble

so remember that time i clogged the sink with my barf after a long night of drinking?

the next afternoon, just as i was thinking there was nothing left in me, i clogged the toilet with something else.

because Mr. REA was out of town, i let the trouble fester. i thought the mess would just sort-itself-out.

very lady-like, i know.

and, well, it didn't.

on Monday i broke down and called a plumber.
it's what i refer to as a low point.

the lady on the line asked me if i wanted to talk to my landlord first.

no, no. please. i'll just pay you. don't call him. i'm embarrassed.

her response: oh sweetie, no need to be embarrassed. it's not your fault the pipes are jammed.

cha right. little does she know.
oh yes ma'am. yes it is absolutely my fault. just send over your best guy.

$189 to plunge a toilet.

i'm going to go broke if i keep playing this little game.

ugh.

still waiting

hi guys.
i'm one month & 8 days into being 25.

all i have to show for myself is a label maker and Nike workout clothes.

and i'm still waiting for puberty to hit so my boobs will start growing and my acne will clear out.
about how long is that process supposed to take?
i've been waiting for about 10 years now.

good things come to those who wait.


right?

Q & A

Q. What do you get for the man in your life who has nicer things than you do?

A. An ice cream cake and a blow job.

Happy Birthday, Mr. REA.